Otto von Berlin goes Berlin pride 2016
Good day y’all. It’s me again, your favorite French Bulldog, Otto from Otto von Berlin. I have mobilized my last bits of energy, to tell you how my weekend went. This time I was live there at the CSD parade in Berlin and spied a bit for you. Spied, you ask? I will explain to you why. But therefor we have to go a couple days back in time.
The whole thing started already last year, when Gregor designed the first Love Truck for the Slovenian Embassy. From his good friend and Ambassador of Slovenia, Marta Kos Marko, he got the errand to create a parade truck, that shows the world, how strongly the country is committed towards human (and dog!) rights and equality. The truck was so well appreciated, that is was out of question, that my partner will conceptualize this year’s truck as well. So, over the last couple months we have met quite frequent, made gathered our creative potentials and came out with a concept, to put last year’s truck in the shadows!
After I finally mastered how to handle this monstrosity called iMac and mouse (while I still think, this thing is not practical enough for paws), I sat down to conceive something reasonable he can hand in for a change. One misjudges always who the real talent of the both of us is… Me! The idea was to show people more than just some green frogs on a black truck. So we composed Polaroids, that show the people of Berlin the true beauty of Slovenia. Pretty good idea, don’t you think? You humans love your polaroids and so called ‘Selfies’. Why you put your squared, black Apples on long sticks and on top of that look very stupidly into the camera, I still don’t know. But oh well – this is the way you are, right? Gregor nods and goes through my fur, takes his quared-black things in his hand and dials to call Marta. Something with “super amazing” and “idea” is what I hear constantly. Looks like I have done my task well. Job done. Well, that’s what I thought.
Just a couple days left till the parade. Gregor is in the kitchen, preparing my dinner, when his black Apple all of a sudden starts to buzz. I try to be useful and swipe with my snout over the glass and start talking to Marta. Hm. Looks like she doesn’t understand me. What’s not to be understood about my language?! I speak fluent high-dog, accent free and clearly. Hello Marta! Can you understand me?! Those humans… Always having a communication problem. Gregor seems to have heard me, storms into the living room and grabs his little black thingy. “We need to go!”, he says to me, whilst lifting me under his arm and dashes off in our new big black crate to Marta.
Once we arrive, I check if everything is in order. Good. Banners, check. Pictures, check. Airbaloons, check. Where the hell are the doggy treats? I told you guys, I definitely need more treats for the parade. Looks like nobody here is taking me serious again, as Marta and Gregor discuss the last subtleties on this year’s “Love Truck”. Pff. Leaving me out here, standing alone. I think you both have forgotten, who the actual boss of all of this is, did you?! Both seem to be satisfied about the design. But I think to overhear, that Marta is still sad about the refe… refarium… referendum (or something like that) which was last year in Slovenia. Ever since I know her (and probably much longer), she has been fighting for total equality in her home country. But this idea doesn’t seem to appeal to everybody. Not yet! We will fight, paw for paw, till we get what all deserve! Doesn’t matter if it’s Otto and Kurt, Otto and Greta or Greta and Petra – who cares! Love is Love, that shouldn’t be a problem any longer in today’s society. I huff loudly through my snout. Gregor seems to feel, that this topic seems to bother me as well. “Come Otto, let’s go home.”, he hails to me. I lick Marta’s face once more and follow Gregor back to the big black crate. Just a couple more days left. I think, I’m really getting excited now!
It’s Friday night before the big day. Gregor starts to make himself pretty. Honey, no moisturizer in the world can hide those wrinkles. But anyway! None of my business – I’m sure he leaves again without me. I’m used to this, unfortunately. I lay down on the couch, not the blanket, huff again loudly, so Monsieur will get the memo, that I’m not amused about his evening plans. I continue watching him, how he changes his shoes for the perceived hundred time. “Hah Otto, don’t be so bitchy about it, alright? I will be home soon. But now I will go and meet my Slovenian friends for dinner.” Did he just dare to call me bitchy? Oh no, he better didn’t… My dear… You will regret this comment you have made. If not now, then for sure once you come back. I guarantee that…
I can feel the first sunrays touching my face. Tired and slowly I awake from my beauty sleep. I raise my left eye-lid and stare towards the window. I think this will be a great Saturday. Saturday… Saturday! At last! The day of days! Gregor! Wake up, wake up, wake up! It’s happening, it’s happening! Go, go go – get up! The parade is today, sleepyhead! We need to leave soon, allez-oop! Don’t make me get out my whip and treat you like the pharaohs used to treat their peasants! Uros is already up luckily and walks to the kitchen to cook this awful, black broth they drink constantly. In the meantime, Gregor runs from shower to room, from room back to the bathroom, to the living room, though the corridor – just everywhere! Well, some stubborn old head should have listened to me beforehand, don’t you think, mister?
The doorbell rings. I storm to the door and try to open that metal-thingy with my mouth, but Uros is a step ahead already. Uncle Aco is finally here, too – great! Now we can finally lea… Oh wait… Mister Interior Designer is being a spoiled brat again and still too busy trying to find the suitable outfit. Again… He checks himself one last time in the mirror. He seems happy, good! So we can finally move out! WHAT?! Did you honestly just say, that the most handsome French Bulldog in Berlin and head of this whole project is supposed to STAY HOME?! Too hot? Too many people?! I’m gonna be the judge of that, thank you! He pets my head and goes with his hands through my fur. “Next time, darling.” – You always say that! No. I’m not gonna take this. Come back you tall, mean guy, you! I want to come with you! Hey! Don’t ignore me!
I have no words. Can you believe that? He just closed the door and left. Without me. Although I did all the work. I’m gonna show him, that little…
I walk up and down the apartment – I need an escape plan, right now! Aha! Looks like somebody left the little bathroom window open naively . Didn’t think about, that my bum isn’t that fat to fit though there, huh Gregor? I move some objects with my snout together, jump on them and with a skillful extra jump in fly though the window and… Darn it! I can’t believe that my bum was too huge after all to fit through that window. I knew I shouldn’t have had that last bit of dog cookie last night. What am I going to do? I start to bark, as out of nowhere my friend Fritz come along. With his mouth he slickly throws a rope towards me that I grab onto. What a life saver he is! Then again, Pitbulls tend to be show offs every now and then, as he mentions how strong he is afterwards all the time. I tell him to shut it as we have no time to waste. We need to go to the parade – there is a party that needs to be crashed, Otto von Berlin style!
Fritz and I arrive too late at Ku’Damm – number 23 has already departed and continues its way. Off to Nollendorfplatz, I’m sure we’ll intercept them there. We run through all the masses of humans, walk past people with the craziest costumes and outfits. Incredible! Some of them really have great style. Huh, am I hallucinating already? A Bulldog, that walks on only two feet? How is that possible?! But his snout looks weird. And his skin, so black, shiny and his leather seems so smooth. I wonder what dog breed that is. But looks like he is no stray dog – his bearish owner seems to walk him out on this big shopping street. Well, what ever – we need to catch up with Gregor, anyway!
Phew, quite hot indeed. Fritz and I need to take a short break and have a sip of a drink. But all I can see are some strangely tall-shaped dog bowls on the ground. The smell is quite bizarre to me as well, but liquid is liquid – I’m so thirsty! Tastes weird, but nice at the same time. Cheers me up somehow, too! This light liquid is great! Give me more! Uff, but now I start to feel strange. And I see double! I turn around to Fritz, who is laying on his back with his tongue stretched out and starts to move his paws to the sound of the music. I could shake around a bit myself, I guess. But what kind of music is this now? The “bum, bum, bum” stopped and changed to this two four time. Humans can be very weird. But is makes fun somehow. Wait a little. This flag, this pattern. I recognize it! The Slovenian’s are coming! Fritz! THE SLOVENIANS ARE COMING! Greeegooor! I’m heeeere!
Fritz and I try to fight our way through the legs of the visitors, but it seems almost impossible. Everybody is jumping and almost crushing us. Darn, how will I get to Gregor? And when will everything stop to spin in my head? Fritz says, that we need to go to the big, shiny stick which is at the end of the road. What does he mean with shiny stick, but I follow him – he knows himself better in this neighborhood. We walk past the big dog meadow of Berlin, the Tiergarten, turn right at the big, shiny stick and see how the Slovenian flag gets closer and closer. It seems to be moving towards a huge gate. I’m almost there, mister. I can’t wait to see that dumb look on your face.
GOTCHA. Uh? Where did he go? Where did everybody go? Neither Julia, nor David, Uros or uncle Aco are here. Darn it! What should I do now? My plan backfired and I know my huge doggy bum will get busted, if Gregor comes home and I am not there. I need to get home somehow. ASAP! It was quite the day already anyway. Fritz finds a long drawn-out doggy taxi, jumps on it and the both of us race as fast as we can back to Neukölln. Looks like we have made it back just in time. That was a close call. I can hear the keys turn and there he is. “Hey Otto, did you miss us? I hope you didn’t get too bored at home, all by yourself.” Bored? Never! Tired and exhausted we both lay down in Gregor’s big doggy basket. Cuddles, petting and sleep. The day’s over for us, officially! There you go, folks – that was our day out at the CSD in Berlin. We’ll talk again – once I have sobered up again.